Kwame Brown Sucks

Virtual Kwame

From an ESPN Page 2 Article about Kobe Bryant: Hangin’ with the Kobes.

Talking about Kobe playing NBA 07 for the Playstation:

And, conspiracy theorists stop there. Don’t think for a second that Kobe is tanking it. In fact, as a virtual Ben Wallace deftly drives the lane on Kobe’s D, he’s starting to get peeved.

“Yo, this ain’t right!” Bryant says. “Ben Wallace can’t handle the ball! If he can handle it, Kwame can handle it.”

Kwame can’t. When Kobe tries to penetrate with Brown, he’s picked clean. There’s more yapping, and now I’m just feeling bad for the guy.

Finally, Bryant determines he’s had enough. Too much losing. Far too much talking. Bryant has begun taking whispered instructions from a Sony technician.

So, yeah, Kobe’s cheating. And it’s working. Kobe’s Kwame hits a fadeaway and Vladimir Radmonivic hits back-to-back 3s.

“Oh no, I’m getting my swagger now,” says Bryant, just before Smush Parker throws down a two-handed jam. Bryant saves face with a respectable loss.

“I played as a kid,” says Bryant, talking up what he calls “ruthless” competition with cousins back in the day. “Back then, I was always surprised to see Mark Price dunking. John Stockton doing a windmill. But this game gets it right. Smush was running the offense pretty good and Vlad played true to form. He can shoot in real life, and he can shoot in the game. The game is pretty realistic.”

Right, and Kwame hits many clutch turnaround jumpers over Rasheed Wallace. Happens all the time.

Kobe laughs and bows his head. “Let’s just say that was a good sign,” he says.

January 22nd, 2007 Posted by McCoy | Kwame Sucks | one comment